This is about everything I did not do. It is about all He did for me. And, this is the perfect time to call me sister. For all I know, all my 4 brothers do not live in Nairobi as of now + four is enough for me. . To all the random and strange men in Nairobi who call me sister, this is your time- sister-in-Christ I am. But well, aren’t we all bound by the blood of Christ?
As at this point am blank, so let me hope the Holy Spirit touches me and that I get something to actually write J . For a long time it didn’t cross my mind what it is like for God to answer your prayers. I can’t even remember the last time I said a real prayer; that is if real and fake prayers exist at all. Maybe I lost the faith. The very fabric that held my being together. And I guess when you lose your faith it goes with everything. recently, a friend asked me of what happened to my zeal ,vigour, name it.it slipped away.
Am not an atheist and neither do I think know God well. It is a shocker to some people I know. For the people who could not associate me with anything else apart from church. Such people cease to know me when they cannot see me in church every Saturday, when they cannot hear me sing a hymn, and when they have no sight of me at vespers wearing a skirt/ dress .People change as times change. They lose friends. I have lost quite a number and I always let it slide. The same way I have lost my relationship with God, this one though I won’t let slide. But I will say God’s timing is the best. i gave up on many things that defined me i.e my little innocent aggressive spirit.
Back to God answering prayers. It has been 3 hell of months in school. If I break that down- it means 12 weeks of classes (21*12 hours of class). Those are freaking too many hours for me to afford to be blank the day before my term paper. All the same, I had no idea what was going on, courtesy of my freaking drunk lecturer. (Which does not make quite a solid excuse for me to fail).
The day before my paper I woke up. Pulled my drawer, retrieved my pen, paper and notes. I tried but it was just too boring to read. So I called my salon’s and made an appointment, I booked in for 11.00 am. Meanwhile, I was helping my big bro with some work which I considered a little fun and well paying. By 10.30 I had earned my bucks. I took a bus, got to the salon. My plan was to be back home by 2.00 pm (to read). Somehow my Lillian managed to keep me up to 4.30. I was far behind schedule. My head was heavy and aching from the tagging and pulling. I was hungry too, the kind of hunger quelled not by fries.
Typical of me -I overfeed when am too hungry (I know it’s wrong but it just happens). Clearly I could not read. I put my books back in the drawer, embarked on a 3 hour long ritual- I did my facials up to 1. 00 Am., said prayer and slept at 2. Woke up at 7.20, my exam was at 8 and I was some fairly 5 or 4 km away from school. long story short , i only had freckles of ideas about that unit. Atleast i knew my admission number, unit code and title and my lecturers name.
And God did that paper for me, it was no coincidence. Not because I am the very best of people but I know he sees something in me that not even my dear mama may see. It is not about what you do for God. Do not be mistaken, he does not bless because of what we achieve for him. It is his love. The evil do not necessarily reap their evil. God blesses them as well.
There are many times God has done stuff for me. Many times I have done nothing for him, when I have done my own will, given myself credit and thumbed my chest for my achievements. Times that I have not only pushed God to the back of mind but also did not even remember he existed. But he always stands at my door, he always knocks, waiting for me to hear. And, wither I go he shall always be with me, there is nowhere I can hide that his eyes can’t see. He always waits patiently.
sometimes i try so hard ,but deep down i know i don’t have to try so hard ,with him i don’t have to hold back. neither do i need to give him my A game because His is best for me ,He will lead me all the way .
so today, i celebrate God for always loving me unconditionally.
PS. This is not just about an accounting and finance paper